Today is the anniversary of my dad’s death – he passed away 11 years ago. I cannot believe so much time has passed. How quickly the years have gone by. And yet, I remember the days/weeks/months when everything moved soooo slowly, time seemed to be stuck in mud and every step was a huge effort.
I am sitting here at my desk. It is almost time to go. I had planned to go to the gym after work to take a few dance classes this evening. But all I want to do is go home and get into my pajamas and curl up on my couch. It is rainy and cold out. Last night I did not sleep well at all, thanks to a bout with seasonal allergies and a pesky mosquito in my bedroom! And I have been in a cranky mood for days now (maybe even longer, if you ask around.)
Unfortunately this day will mark the loss of another loved one, an elder cousin from my mom’s side of the family. My mom was very close to him, and I was quite fond of him, too. He was a huge help to both of us when my dad was sick.
So, I am going to go home and think about my Papi and my primo Pepe and dwell in the memories of nicer and sunnier moments.
I love my cousins. I am an only child, and for me, my cousins and now their kids, are the closest thing I know to having siblings, and nieces and nephews. I know it is not the same, but I am so thankful to have them in my life, and lots of ’em! Last week, my uncle passed away. He was quite old, and one of my dad’s older brothers. My father passed away back in 2000, and having my uncles and aunts alive was a way to still have him in this world. Now, they are slowly passing away as well.
I took two of my younger cousins (they are my cousin’s daughters, so my uncle is their grandfather – they are very sad about his passing) to the beach and then dinner on Sunday night to cheer them up a bit. Then I slept over, and we spent the rest of Monday lounging around reading magazines. I have seen these girls grow up – the oldest in now 15, and S (my god-daughter) is now 12! While I was with X, I distanced myself from my family – mostly because I was so unhappy. I apologized to them after the breakup and my resurfacing. I told them that if I ever “disappear” again, it is because I am not doing too well in my life, and that it has nothing to do with them.
I now realize that is a CLEAR sign of an unhealthy relationship – if I am so miserable that I do not want to spend time with my family for fear they will notice my unhappiness, it is time to kick the guy to the curb. AND, that it is ok to let your family see that you are unhappy. Like I did with my little cousins this weekend, lots of kisses and hugs sure do the trick when you are feeling down.