Archive | July, 2011

London called!

28 Jul

And I answered.  I was away for a mini-whirl-wind tour of London and Paris, visiting some very very VERY good friends.   It was awesome, and exactly what I needed to gain some perspective.

I am actually seriously considering moving to London in a year or two, despite the gloomy weather.  (Although I heart heart heart NYC and it is my true blue home. But I digress…)

And I deleted my online profile before I left.  After that yucky email from Mr. Teeth, I was left with SUCH a bad taste in my mouth.  I really thought about it, and concluded, “I just do not want to do this anymore!”

And you know what?  I feel GREAT!

I had a few revelations about my particular online dating adventures, and although I do not regret having attempted it, I took a good, long, hard look at the facts and concluded:

1) I have not had the best experiences meeting men online.

2) Something about being a woman online makes men* (*heterosexual men* ) think (maybe unconsciously, but definitely erroneously) that she is “too” available – even if these same dudes  are looking for someone that is available and interested in having a relationship.  It is hard for me to put into words, and it is only my opinion based on my experiences.  But,  it was a bit of a light-bulb moment for me.  And it finally made sense as to why kind of normal, regular nice guys can all of a sudden kind of act like pricks when you begin interacting with them in the online world.  In other words, if a guy spots you at a party or through a friend, there isn’t a little sign over your head (or caption under your chin) saying “I am interested in meeting someone, and that someone could be you!” (Not that this is my profile slogan, but you get the gist of what I am saying.)

Instead, he has to wonder, has to ask, has to talk to you, approach you – and that gives you the chance to get a gut sense of whether he is worth your time or not.

Even if it is a blind date/set-up sort of thing, a friend is usually brokering the situation – like “oh, I think you two may get along.”  It is not like you, as the “available woman”, are acting as your own broker.

Again, hard for me to explain.  And this is not to say that maybe in a year or two I may change my mind.  But by then, I may be in London.  And the bottom line is that I have a sneaky suspicion that the guy for me most likely is not looking for me online.


Time to step away…

19 Jul

from the internet world of meeting potential mates.

Here is an email I received from Mr. Teeth yesterday:

“Hi Goyagrrl,

wondering what to try to do this week. are you leaving wed or thursday?
i’m very likely going away on wed afternoon, so we’d probably have
to meet up tomorrow, i guess? is that too much a stress, too much to do?
this week is all of a sudden a crush for time….

how you?

Mr. Teeth”

Here was my response:

“Hi Mr. Teeth,

I am well…hope all is well on your end.  I am leaving for out of town on Wednesday  and pretty booked up until then.  Also, it has truly been very nice getting to know you and hanging out. I just do not think there are any real
sparks between us. I wish you all the best of luck and hope everything works
out .

And this was HIS response…

“Whew. I’m glad you said it first!
You’re a cool girl…Probably you have a good network of friends, maybe
we even overlap a bit, you know?
Stay in touch if you like. I have some pretty decent single guy friends. ;)”

Really?  REALLY?  Come on.  I just find his response so irritating and condescending.  Is it just me?  Wouldn’t a “thanks for letting me know,”  suffice?

Other than that – this is my 100th 101st post!  Yeah, blog!  And I am leaving town for about a week so, until then….


18 Jul

What can I say?  It was a pretty non-stressful second date.  But it was also pretty much a non-ANYTHING date.  The guy did not take any sort of initiative to make plans and we wound up walking around aimlessly in the park.  I do not necessarily mind this in general, but I was not feeling all that great and I was pretty tired from earlier in the day.  And it was hot and humid.  After about two and a half hours, I said, “I am sorry but I am beat, I need to head home.”

And to be honest, I kind of started to get the the sense over the course of our emails during the week that the dude is just sort of wishy-washy.  That, plus the EXTREMELY startling realization that both the top AND bottom set of teeth were really, really (I mean, REALLY) messed up, along with a wandering left eye (literally, not a euphemism) and well….I just did not find myself all that attracted to him.  Pure and simple.  Very nice, decent and smart.  Those qualities I like very much.  But missing some other qualities that I most certainly need in order to make the effort to continue to hang out.

Plus, I have an inkling he also was not feeling it, either- as he:

A) Did not try to smooch me.

B) Has not contacted me since Saturday evening.

So, all is good in the world.

Too bad, though.  I did fall into deep like  with his dog, and she has much nicer, evenly aligned teeth.


Another unstressful first date.

15 Jul

This past Saturday, I met up with yet another gentleman (this one ACTUALLY deserves the term) that first contacted me on OKCupid.  We met at 6pm and spent the next 5 or so hours talking, eating and wandering about.  It was really nice, and I thought he was pretty cute.

He gallantly offered to drive me home, and I went with my instincts and said ok, after asking him if he was a serial killer and had any plans to cut me up into little pieces because I was NOT interested in that happening;)

Anyways, he dropped me off and no funny-business ensued.

That same night (as I was watching episodes of 30 Rock on Netflix.  Yes, I am officially hooked…) he sent me an email thanking me for a “pretty fine evening.”  I responded, with a “and thank you….”

He asked me to hang out again, and we have set up plans for tomorrow.  Let’s see if I can report a second date that is not stressful.  Although I am setting the bar pretty low for date number two (if it is not stressful and I can actually laugh with him again, then all is good in my book), and as I have mentioned in an earlier post, the second date in the online world is more like a real FIRST date, I also have much higher expectations for anyone that I would want to continue to get to know.  Much higher than I have EVER had in my whole life.

I used to pretty much be open to anything and anyone, stemming from a bad case of the low-self-esteems due to my less-than-stellar luck with guys in high-school.

I now see how foolish this was.  Because a few pubescent male beings did not find me attractive when I was 16, I proceed to try and “work” with the wounded birds of maledom for the next 20 years of my life????

Nope.  Not anymore.  And I feel pretty sheepishly silly now that I see as plain as, well,…plain yogurt, the fault of my ways.

Wish me luck, folks.  This guy seems pretty AOK thus far.  Not a wining-and-dining type.  We went dutch.  But did want to share his food with me.  And did automatically shake my hand and give me a kiss on the cheek when we met.  And did send me an email during the week asking “how my day was going.”

So, ok in my book, thus far…..and I did get a slight, slight case of the tummy flutters (even though the bottom row of his teeth are kind of jacked, but sort of in an awesomely f*ed up way), so…

Messed up chompers. But sweet. And cute.

The X had perfect teeth and a really “nice” smile.  I now associate those things with vanity and skullduggery – the narcissist’s emblems.  Just sayin’.

Nice teeth. No soul.

Tina Fey! Are you making fun of me?

7 Jul

Wow.  I am on a post roll today.  Two in a row.

Sooooooooo…………..I will openly admit.  I am a bit behind the times.  I have only recently started to watch 30 Rock.  And it is hilarious, and witty and a great time-suck.

And that Liz Lemon.  Girl, you are preaching to this choir with a solo-member (me.)

But then it hit me.  Is Tina Fey making fun of me?

Don’t get me wrong.  I love Tina Fey.  I feel like she gets it.  I mean, look at Liz.  Smart, single, struggling, sassy, (relatively) sane.  She wears flannel pajamas.  I wear flannel pajamas.  EVEN when I have a boyfriend.  She is always shocked by attractive, single men who are interested in her (rare, but it happens).  So am I.  Then we both come to the horrid realization that something is wrong with these men.  The guy is crazy.  Or wants to move to Cleveland.  Or is your cousin.

Most of the time, the dudes are NOT that attractive, but still crazy and possibly related to you.

But, you know what?  Tina Fey has NEVER had these struggles.  She may have been a nerd back in the day, but she has been with her (very attractive, intelligent, not related to her as far as I know, and successful) husband forEVS, and has a cute daughter and a baby on the way.

Not struggling, and not laying alone in her flannels with Vicks under her nose.  So even if Tina enjoys her hoagies, and snarky puns, etc.,  she is far from the serially-single Liz Lemon.  She has not felt the pain.  She is not drawing from her past experiences.

Which is how I came to the stomach-dropping, side-eye squinting conclusion that Tina Fey is making fun of me and MY LIFE.

Screw you, Tina.

Tina, YOU are just MEAN. Stop rubbing it in my face.

Liz, YOU are the BOMB!


7 Jul

My friend sent me this handy little guide to one night stands.  I asked her, “where was this during my twenties?  And most of my thirties?”

Upon close inspection, I realized that I had mistakenly thought that all the things on the right hand column were the things you were supposed to do when you are wasted.  Oh well.  Live and learn.

And when all else fails, have a guide in hand.

Click below to see what the f*ck I am talking about.