Nice date number four.

21 Jun

Not at all stressful.  I actually had a really nice time.  And this particular gentleman, I would not at all mind hanging out with again, and getting to know better.

He strikes my fancy.   He is a bit of an odd bird, but maybe that is just because he is British.  He is also a lawyer, who would have thunk?

In the past, I would have been obsessing about the next step.  But now I think of the first date as not really a date – it is more like an agreed upon meeting, and the second date (if there actually is one) is more like a real first date.

Kind of like if you randomly met someone at a party, you know?  And you get to talking and decide you would like to hang out again.  Or have a one-night stand.  Guy asks for gal’s number.  Gal waits to see if guy calls. Y’all know the drill.

I did actually have such a nice time with this dude, that the next day I wrote him an email to say so.  But just that.  I did not say, “hope to see you again, soon” or anything like that.  It was short and to the point, and….I do not know how else to explain it, but GENUINE.  Not that I have been a big old phony in the past.  But before, I would have sent out the email from a point of desperation.  Like I had to get the person to really like me.  Like it was something I had to work at.

Now, it is more like – I really did enjoy my time with him and I wanted to share that.  It did not come from a place of anxiety, or a desire to push things so that they can be clearer to me RIGHT NOW (as in “are you my true-blue?  What the F*CK took you so long?!!!  WHY are we just sitting here?!  Let’s get a move on, dammit!”).

But I am not doing any work.  He can respond (which he did) or not.  And he can make the effort to ask me out again and make plans (let’s see – he says so in his email, but he also says he is busy, so…..vamos a ver…we are all busy, but I am not corporate-lawyer-busy, and there is a reason for that) or not.

And if not, I may be disappointed.   But more than that, I will be relieved.  Because anyone who is too busy, or not able to make efforts, is just not the dude for me.  If it is “work” for him, then, no thanks!  It has to be want and interest on both sides.

And I know now that another person’s ability to make those efforts, or not, has nothing to do with me!  It is not a reflection of who I am as a person, or as a woman, or anything I did or did not do “right” or “wrong” during our meeting, or in an email, etc….

Strangely liberating, this new found understanding (finally!) of my interpretation of another person’s behavior.

In the past, I would have obsessed – should I write back?  Should I not?  Should I have sent the email to begin with?

But no, this is what it comes down to.  The guy says he will write more when he has more time, that he also had a nice time, and that he wants to get drinks again.

The only way to find out if someone is true to their word, and can be relied on, is to actually give them enough time to prove themselves upfront.

I must say – each new date turns out to be nicer and more relaxing than the last.  And each guy seems to be an improvement on the last….so…..

Again.  Vamos a ver.


2 Responses to “Nice date number four.”

  1. Online Dating Circus Expert June 24, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    Bravo! Sounds like you have realized what I have recently as well! Here is to men who “want” to put in effort, to us letting go and to improved quality of men/dates as we progress!

    • goyagrrl June 28, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

      I know! Yay! Except when you realize that the guy is not putting in the effort. So then there is a moment of boo-hoo. (See my most recent post. I am the wallaby.)

      But in all honesty, it really is all good. I am happy to have the lazy ones weed themselves out.

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