Like the universe has given me something, a tasty little treat. And then takes it away. Awww. Sad.
Not at all stressful. I actually had a really nice time. And this particular gentleman, I would not at all mind hanging out with again, and getting to know better.
He strikes my fancy. He is a bit of an odd bird, but maybe that is just because he is British. He is also a lawyer, who would have thunk?
In the past, I would have been obsessing about the next step. But now I think of the first date as not really a date – it is more like an agreed upon meeting, and the second date (if there actually is one) is more like a real first date.
Kind of like if you randomly met someone at a party, you know? And you get to talking and decide you would like to hang out again. Or have a one-night stand. Guy asks for gal’s number. Gal waits to see if guy calls. Y’all know the drill.
I did actually have such a nice time with this dude, that the next day I wrote him an email to say so. But just that. I did not say, “hope to see you again, soon” or anything like that. It was short and to the point, and….I do not know how else to explain it, but GENUINE. Not that I have been a big old phony in the past. But before, I would have sent out the email from a point of desperation. Like I had to get the person to really like me. Like it was something I had to work at.
Now, it is more like – I really did enjoy my time with him and I wanted to share that. It did not come from a place of anxiety, or a desire to push things so that they can be clearer to me RIGHT NOW (as in “are you my true-blue? What the F*CK took you so long?!!! WHY are we just sitting here?! Let’s get a move on, dammit!”).
But I am not doing any work. He can respond (which he did) or not. And he can make the effort to ask me out again and make plans (let’s see – he says so in his email, but he also says he is busy, so…..vamos a ver…we are all busy, but I am not corporate-lawyer-busy, and there is a reason for that) or not.
And if not, I may be disappointed. But more than that, I will be relieved. Because anyone who is too busy, or not able to make efforts, is just not the dude for me. If it is “work” for him, then, no thanks! It has to be want and interest on both sides.
And I know now that another person’s ability to make those efforts, or not, has nothing to do with me! It is not a reflection of who I am as a person, or as a woman, or anything I did or did not do “right” or “wrong” during our meeting, or in an email, etc….
Strangely liberating, this new found understanding (finally!) of my interpretation of another person’s behavior.
In the past, I would have obsessed – should I write back? Should I not? Should I have sent the email to begin with?
But no, this is what it comes down to. The guy says he will write more when he has more time, that he also had a nice time, and that he wants to get drinks again.
The only way to find out if someone is true to their word, and can be relied on, is to actually give them enough time to prove themselves upfront.
I must say – each new date turns out to be nicer and more relaxing than the last. And each guy seems to be an improvement on the last….so…..
Again. Vamos a ver.
I finally, FINALLY have my apartment all cleaned, freshly painted, and organized. I finally FINALLY moved the furniture around in my bedroom and am so happy with the space. While I was with the X, I began to hate the bedroom – it felt so cluttered and stuffed with crap. The energy was heavy and grey. Even after he left and I went around the apartment shifting and clearing and cleaning, the bedroom remained as the one room I just did not feel all that great in. It is like his energy was somehow still trapped in there, despite all my efforts to exorcise it.
I got a new bed, but was never really able to bring myself to really tackle the reconfiguration of the room itself.
Well, that all changed this past weekend. I moved the bed up against a different wall. I got rid of some shelves he had put up. I moved the dressers to another corner to make more room, and let more natural light in.
And now I am in love with my apartment, including my bedroom – all over again. And any traces of the X have been officially BANISHED!
I have been writing lots about the past – so I figured it was time to shake things up a bit and write about more recent events. In the last two weeks, I have gone out on 3 dates in a row (No, not with the same dude. 3 different dudes). And they ALL have been:
Yeah for the 3 Ns!
I did not feel any chemistry or sparks with 1*(technically this was date #2. But the first one does not really count, as it was short, due to my being EXTREMELY hungover from the previous night (see “I am mortified”) and I told him I was recovering from a bout of food poisoning…)* and I felt attracted to the other two, and of those two, hoped that 1 in particular would want to hang out again.
But I do not think he will, as a full 24 hours have passed (we met for coffee in the early afternoon yesterday), and as I have come to (finally) learn – if a dude is interested, he will most definitely initiate contact sooner rather than later. Plus, I could see that he was online last night (damn you, OKCupid! Why do you show me these things even when I do not want to know?), and there was no email waiting to say “good morning – you are the most fabulicious creature I have ever met in my life!” when I logged in this AM. Me, sad😦
But STILL fabulicious. Even with my cold and slight laryngitis. Yup, that is how I pitched up on my date, sounding like Tom Waits, ‘cuz that is how I roll…. Do you think this may have something to do with the absence of an email asking to hang out again? Yeah. Me neither.
Oh well. Regardless, I feel happy that I have had a string of nice guys to interact with during these tortuous social events known as “dates”.
Here is to continuing with the nice guys until I find one that I like and that likes me. Maybe then I can write about dates #2-etc….