On my way to work

5 Apr

…today, it sort of hit me.  See, I really am trying to do something new in my life.  I am trying to really allow myself to believe, really believe deeply that the universe will take care of me.  To settle into that comfort, to have that sense of peace and stability in my core.  To not look for it outside of myself.

It is hard, for sure, and I expect that there will be ebbs and flows.  But I realized on my way to work this morning that this may be a bit more difficult for those of us who never even felt this sense of peace and stability in our own homes growing up – like, “it is ok, my parents will take care of it.”

I grew up in a home where my parents loved me and I felt loved and cared for – but at the same time, there was always a lot unsaid, and a lot of tension in my home and between my parents.  Being an only child, I had to carry alot of that emotional burden between them all on my own.  At times, I felt like I was the one that had to make things happen in order for things to run relatively smoothly at home.  Often, my efforts were futile, because I did not have any “real” power – I was just a kid.

Sound familiar?  So now, I am just trying to witness my reservation and frustrations,  fears and anxieties, and not be entangled in them.  Instead, I want to ease myself into this new understanding that the universe is taking care of me, that I am the adult now and am taking care of myself, …(and this is the hard part)….trust the process.

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