OK – so here goes. I had a relatively interesting MLK weekend. Date number two with Mr. Normal (the widower with 11 year old twins) was a bit of a letdown Out of nowhere, we got into a heavy discussion about our, shall we say primary, interests in dating. It seems that for him, it is about having a nice, easy breezy time – i.e. sexy times. And that he is NOT interested in:
1) marriage or “even a living-together situation”
2) more children (i.e. is actually scheduled to have a vasectomy in a few weeks)
Did I fail to mention that this was only our second date? I could not really respond to such heavy info given my slightly inebriated state, and the fact that this was all revealed to me right after being asked how I felt about taking our smooching to either his home or mine and “messing around naked.” (The quotes, ARE quotes. This is verbatim what was said to me by a 42 year old adult male!)
Granted, I like sex, I really do – but somehow, all this was really unappealing to me. At this point in my life, and after my last relationship – I realize that I want an adult relationship, not just repeated sexual encounters with no future in sight, and definitely not a relationship where either party is setting themselves up for some serious compromises from the get-go.
Yes, I get horny at times. Yup, sometimes I am lonely. But I do not want JUST a lover. Not that there is anything wrong with wanting that and that alone. In fact, I am quite envious of all the people out there that want JUST that, and only that, and are really, truly honestly ok with that. I want a connection. I want stability. I want shared goals and values. I want love and to be in love. I want the commitment and the ring, and all the bells and whistles that go with a true partnership. And I am no longer afraid or embarrassed to admit it and state it loudly and proudly.
Mr. Normal asked me what I thought about all the info he just shared with me. In response, I revealed some pretty heavy stuff myself (stuff that I have yet to talk about on this blog, but will eventually) having to do with sex, my last relationship, and where I am now in life, and where I am headed. I called it a night (and am calling it quits the next time we hang out – for LUNCH!). As we were walking out the bar, Mr. Normal asked if he could continue asking me about coming over to his place. I asked “you mean tonight?” He said “No, on another night.” I was like “Sure, you can ask…” But as the words were in the process of being voiced, in my head and heart I already knew – the answer will always be no.
Alas, Mr. Normal and I are definitely not a match.
Now, I was slightly down about this the next day, but this is when things started to get interesting. More on that in my next post.