My very own cynical guide to dating

15 Dec

You know, I have read my fair share of dating books.  And I have really tried being positive and optimistic and all that (please see some of my earlier posts).  Well, the jig is up!   You know what I have come to realize?  These books are written by people in relationships, and just because they are now dating someone or married, when they were once single and searching, that does not necessarily make them “experts” .  In fact, it makes them LOUSY experts, because they seem to have instantly forgotten that dating sucks and you know that secretly, deep down inside, they are like “phew – better you than me, girl!”

So I have decided to dedicated this blog to the writing of my Cynical Guide to Not Dating;

and will include such helpful hints as:

Don’t stay home and wallow, and no, you do not have to “get out there” either.  Just go out to those parties and events and bars that you want to go to where you probably will NOT meet anyone, and accept it.

Don’t sign up for an online dating site.  There are a whole bunch of damaged people roaming around out there (as my friend so eloquently stated in an earlier post).  You can cut down on your chances of meeting these souls  by NOT signing up for online dating.  Do not worry, you will still meet your fill of them throughout normal, every day life occurrences.  You just will not be sitting across from them necessarily at a restaurant or cafe.  So, no need to widen that net!

Don’t wish wish wish for it until it comes.  You have heard the saying countless times, I am sure, from well-meaning friends (yup, those same ones that are paired up since their mid-twenties, etc) and those writers with the shiny hair and rings on the back of the latest “Here is how to land your man – I did it!” hardcover….”when the time is right, it will happen…are you sure you are ready?….Do you really want to be in a relationship?…..Build it and it will come…..”  As if they spent all their time wishing and building and having all their ducks lined up perfectly in a row.  Please.  Stop wishing.  Stop hoping.  Just stop it.  Accept that this is the way it is going to be for the rest of your life!  Single, so…..hmmm.  Maybe I will take that nice long trip to South East Asia that I have always wanted to, by myself!

Don’t not think about it anymore.  And DO  give a rolling side-eye to anyone that says, “it will happen with the right guy, the one you feel that magical “click” with” that everyone (partnered) tells you about.  In fact, let’s dwell on that one  for a while, shall we?  You know it is about the click, and that the click cannot be forced.  In fact,  you have felt that magical click, quite a few times, and it STILL did not matter.  So click or no click, not really the issue – is it?

DO be your best self – for you.  No, I really mean it.  I know that sounds awfully similar to the suggestions in these dating books, but what they are secretly saying is “be the best you for you,but more so that you can snag someone because clearly the you you are now is not good enough, hence your single-status.” So be the best you for you, and if that best you is you right now, great.  But if not, well – you are going to have to fill your time with something now that you are not banging your brains in trying to “get out there”,  “remain positive”, and smile smile smile, flirt flirt flirt!  Or laying alone sleepless worrying that you will never have a family of your own.  Because you know you will not!  Oh well, moving on…

Because, really,  the bottom line for me is – that I do not WANT to be dating.  I really am just barely hopeful for a relationship at this point,  and somehow being in the right place at the right time with the right someone.  All these other tactics and strategies, they do not apply to me – they apply to someone interested in dating and meeting new people and playing the field and all that.  I have done all that, and I am tired.  So….this whole dating thing is just not for me, and since there is no guide out there for someone like me, I am going to write my own.


2 Responses to “My very own cynical guide to dating”

  1. anotherlisa December 17, 2010 at 5:43 am #

    Soooo right there with you on every point. Hope you don’t mind, but I think I’d like to see and perhaps follow this guide you plan to write!

  2. goyagrrl December 17, 2010 at 9:51 pm #

    Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing it! And welcome to wordpress!

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