Archive | August, 2010

Rain Rain Go Away

26 Aug

It is a beautiful sunny day in NYC.  After a few days of rain and gloomy and less-than-warm weather, the clouds have gone, and my spirits have lifted.  I have received some smirk and smile inducing emails from contender #1 (honestly, the only contender.  I like the guy, ok?  I just do!) and my friends and I are going away for a long weekend and classes are starting and I am actually excited about them, even if they are stats classes!  I am a big nerd. 

I think I must suffer from a mild form of seasonal affective disorder.  But only when it is a sudden shift from what has been going on seasonally, EVEN if that sudden shift is an improvement but is not what one would NORMALLY expect during that season.  In other words, just as rainy, cold and gloomy weather during August will send me into the doldrums, so will unseasonably bright and 90 degree weather in say, February.  I know.

I also am confronting my tendency to ruminate about past grievances with the X.  I have decided that from now on, whenever I notice that I am going down that path,  I am just going to say to myself  “Stop – it is OVER, let it go.  Everyone go and live in peace”

I just don’t need a constant relationship replay looping as a background to my thoughts for most of my waking moments, anymore.  At first, it was a necessary process for me because I was finally allowing myself to really evaluate the things that I had been avoiding during the relationship.  But now, it is done. 

I have so many better things to concentrate on, and happily they do not NOT sap my energy.


I’m a MAD.

24 Aug

During our time together, the X was constantly using my mac laptop.  He souped it up with a new OS.  It was running fine, although I had a hard time finding files on it.  Then, just the other day, I turn it on and……the screen looks different, and I cannot access my files.  Luckily, all my documents are backed up EXCEPT for my pictures and my music!!!!!!!!!   I am sooooo pissed.  I do not know what is going on, and I blame the ex – but mostly myself for allowing him to tinker with my mac in the first place.  Oh yeah, and with me, too.

mad sac

I am overall grumpy mc.grumpypantaloons today.  It is rainy and grey and cold.  Is summer already over?

I think I might….

23 Aug

…just be missing someone that helped me with a fall.

I am not quite sure about the heart....just yet.

It feels kinda nice.  Shhhh.  Don’t tell anyone yet, OK?

Let the right one in.

18 Aug

It wasn't me! My passport was feeling peckish!

I gotta tell you – some of the emails I receive in response to my online profile have me just plain old perplexed and flummoxed.

I give you this: 

“do you watch true blood on hbo, i wanna true blood ua !!!!!lol !!!!!!!!!” 

Really? This is what you want to do to me?

Umm.  Nowhere in my profile does it say that I am into vampires or have a blood fetish, although I do mention “Let the Right One In” as one of my favorite flicks.  AND what is so god-dang-it funny that this guy is  LOL-ing all over the place?  I am not even chuckling. I am slipping on a necklace of garlic and deleting. 

Then there is this one: 

“Summer is almost over….

Aug. 17, 2010 – 10:27am …and I have reached the uncomfortable conclusion that I’ve spent another season alone.

HI, I’m *****. I have really enjoyed reading your posting, and would love to get to know you.

Please look at my profile; I’m sure you’ll find some things in common.

Have a great week; I hope to hear from you. ”

Well, I know one thing that we do NOT have in common.  I am not “uncomfortable” with being alone. 

Next up- for your enjoyment: 

“You have an enthralling profile

Aug. 16, 2010 – 7:02pm … you have a very eye catching profile indeed.
As much as you do not seem to be an archetypal NY woman, I am miles from being your typical NY raised brat.
I am a passionate and respectful man. Figuring out where the funny missing minutes go and at the same time proving to have at least a couple of neurons well connected, you are welcome to judge.
While I am traveling a bit for business (Canada day trips lately), I try to leave it mostly for fun and pleasure. I carry a passport hungry for stamps. Obviously you do too.
I look forward to talking to you
PS. I am very curious aboutyour post and when you explain me about it I’ll tell you where you misspelled 😛
PS2: Hablo perfectamente español, porque nací en Buenos Aires”

FEED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow!  I am clearly special and not at all “archetypal” but need to be blackmailed in order to get some help with my spelling in Spanish.  Somehow, aside from the grammatical errors, this young gentleman thinks he is the one for such a task!  And respectful and passionate to boot!  Judgemental?  Maybe.  But he has a hungry passport.  

My passport is not, however. 


Finally, I received a wink and a “hello”  from “murcielago” – Spanish for “bat”.  There seems to be a general theme here.  Hunger, vampires, bats, discomfort in one’s own skin.  Who would’ve thunk that the undead needed help from OKCupid to score dates!

One, one misspelling. Two, two typos. Three, three grammatical errors!

Bauhaus: Bela Lugosi’s Dead

easy. breezy. moquito-eeeee

10 Aug

I never reported on my second date with contender #1.  It was great.  And no falls, trips, or losses of consciousness (or conscience)!  That, in and of itself, is pretty major.  Methinks, me like.  We sat in a quiet section of a neighborhood park and drank coffee with the evening breeze blowing, and mosquitos happily sucking on my blood while we smooched.  Homeboy is off to Spain for a month, though.  We shall see if he writes a promised post-card.  I also had a first date with a non-contender #2.  Polite-ish guy, no sparks, not for me.  Actually, he was slightly annoying and strange, and trying to be provocative in a passive-aggressive way.  Blah. 

On this date as well, I was attacked by mosquitos, even though we were technically indoors, but by a big open window.  However, I was thankful for these blood-sucking and itch-inducing insects this time around, as I used them as an excuse to get up on out of there.  Something I did NOT do with contender #1.  Maybe they saw the clear indications of sucking success by their winged brethren and thought “this chick is for us!”

Now my legs look like maybe they belong to a hard-core heroin junky.  But I would rather this than a busted chin and swollen eye.  oh wait, I have those, too!

Next  week, I have a date with a possible contender #3.  He is taking me to a reading/concert.  As I wrote in an email to him, I am “ridiculously excited” about this.  I have never been to Greenpoint before, even though I grew up in NYC, and have been living in Brooklyn for years.  That is what I love about this city.  You can always walk down a new street, hit up a new neighborhood…. I am a lucky gal.  If I don’t already have West Nile Virus, that is.


9 Aug

This is something that I overheard the other day while walking in to work:

“It doesn’t matter whether you meant to consider it, or if you didn’t care.  You just didn’t.”

I have no idea what the guy who was saying this was referring to, or who he was saying it to on his cell phone.  All I know is that it expresses EXACTLY what I want to say to my ex.  See, there ARE things I would like to say to him, but I cannot.  For my ex-,  our relationship was the most healthy one he has ever had.  This is quite disturbing, as it is by far the most unhealthy one I have ever experienced – absolutely toxic.     For him, he got all the benefits of being with a relatively sane and stable partner.  I, on the other hand, got the short end of an absolutely splintered stick.  The last email I received from him, he asked me to tell him “exactly” the actions and behaviors he engaged in that led me to ending the relationship.  I have, on many occasions in the past, told him in detail what these actions/behaviors were.  It did not seem to make things any clearer for him.   Although for me, it just proved to me over and over again (until I finally got it) that this guy was not really listening, and never would.  So what I would tell him (if I could) are the things that he did NOT do.  Maybe that would somehow be more understandable?

“Dear X,

During the course of our relationship, you were not particularly kind or considerate.  You were rarely consistent and never clear.  You were not often gentle with your words, or actions.  For the most part, you were not careful or caring.  You just were not.”

I know what his response to this would be anyway.  It would go something like, “But I love you.  How can these things be true?”  It reminds me of that Sting song… “Why should I cry for you, why would you want me to?  What would it mean to say, that ‘I loved you in my own fashion’ ?”