Looking forward

1 Jul

I am really excited about this summer, and am looking forward to enjoying it as much as possible.  So far, so good.  Despite some tough times and rough tumbles, I have been having a good time getting together with friends, making new ones, and most importantly catching up with myself.  As the weather has turned warmer, my disposition has slowly become sunnier, and I am feeling like myself again. 

Last night, I got together with some of my bestest, truest, and most lovely friends – we have been there for each other for many many years, and many difficult epochs in our respective lives.  I just felt so happy to be with them, enjoying myself, able to enjoy the things that bring joy in their lives (children, marriages, new jobs, etc.) and really being present.  During the course of my relationship with the X, I slowly became consumed in my own prison of unhappiness.  I remember constantly thinking, “why am I not overjoyed that now I am the one getting married, about to start a family, etc?  why am I filled with dread? what is wrong with me? ”  I think for me it was easier to avoid the obvious answer – that at 38, with time ticking (whether I like to admit it or not, that is how I felt) I had picked the wrong guy.  Right time + wrong guy = UNHAPPY GAL.

Luckily, I snapped out of it before some serious stuff could develop and make separation and moving on much MUCH more  difficult and traumatic. 

To all the single ladies out there, the ring is not enough….it is not about the ring.  Trust me.  Actually, no I take it back.  It IS about the ring.  When you look at the ring and compare it to your relationship – can you honestly say that your relationship with your partner is like the band itself?  Strong, yet fluid.  Infinite yet solid?  Or is it like the hole, just an empty space “defined” by the band.  If the latter, look forward.  Do not say “I do”.  Do not just be “done”.  You run the regrettable risk of becoming undone.

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