Archive | July, 2010

Dates, Faints, and Mishaps

28 Jul

I went out on my first date since the break-up a few nights ago.  It was a Monday, and I had taken the day off from work.  I had gotten home late the night before from a weekend trip to Philly for a family reunion of sorts (more about THAT in another post.)  I had the next few days off from work because I was scheduled for surgery on Tuesday AM.  When I woke up on Monday, I thought – maybe I should take today as a “mental health day” and get into the right frame of mind for my date.  I do not know if this was a good idea or not, because I spent most of the day reading and eating chips and chocolate.  By the time I made it to meet my date, I was in the mood for a real meal, but figured a drink beforehand could not hurt, especially a Guinness, since that is like a meal onto itself.  And anyway, if my date and I did not really dig each other, it would not be too painful to call it quits after one drink.

oh, woe, swoon

Big mistake.  One pint turned into three.  By then, I was like “I need some pizza” but date had to go home to get up early at 5AM. I thought “ok, I can get some pizza on my way home, it is still early.” But then date and I decided to walk to my train station.  And then we kissed good-bye, and kissed some more.  And then, I fainted and busted open my chin.

This is by far the most mortifying thing that has ever happened to me on a first date.  And I am a 38-year-old woman.

The next morning, I had my eye surgery.  I had a bandage on my chin, and then a swollen eye.  I now look like something out of Fight Club.  Except this is not a movie.  This is my very real life.

I wonder if date and I will hang out again, without any gashes or wounds ensuing.  We have set tentative plans for Friday.

Me as Brad

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Idle minds are the devil’s Facebook.

15 Jul

Immediately after my break-up, I locked up shop on Facebook and took a “hiatus” from my account.  Turned off my profile.  I did not want to have to explain my switch in “status” and I most certainly did not need any cyber stalking from the X.  But because I was no longer a member of the FB community, I could not take a peek to see what the X was up to…. And that was all fine for me, until curiosity got the best of this cat.

arigato gato!

My  friend T is in town and staying with me.  She was showing me pics on her account.  One thing led to another and we landed on the X’s page.  Get this – his updates include such lovely insights as “Nothing beats April in Prospect Park! I should know, I have tried” and “mmm. Korean BBQ at Prospect Park” and others along those lines.

I find it INFURIATING!  And what kills me, is that it actually gets to me.  This guy spent all his time going on and on about how life in this city sucks, and he hated the people in the neighborhood, and how in San Francisco he felt so  much better.  AND NOW, he is madly in love with all the finer things that this zip code has to offer.  Mind you, he always did like the park.  What is not to like.  But really.  REALLY?

Another lame-o update involved his clueing everyone in to the fact that he was babysitting two small children of a friend.  Again, infuriating.  He was always saying how he never wanted to be like “S” (the dad of the two, and supposedly his very good friend) and blah blah blah, going on and on incessantly about how much he disdained the stay-at-home-dads he knew.  That he would never be around for his kids because he was going to be traveling for work all the time, and he was going to be the “provider”.   And now, he is Mr. Mom?  PLEASE.  He was all grumpy faced and sour the whole time we babysat my cute little “nephew”.  Just a big phony.  I know this sounds like I am a 1950’s housewife with shellacked hair and am exhaling smoke from some lipstick-stained Merits, but it is the truth.

I think the reason that this has kicked up so much stuff for me, is that it is all a persona – the EXACT persona I encountered when we first met, the one that I fell in love with, thinking it was really his authentic self.  I think even HE wanted his persona to be his true self.  But sadly, no…. It is disturbing.  And why I am so wary of meeting anyone online ever again.

In this blog world, I am completely anonymous.  No one knows me (except my friends that tune in) and I am not posting any incriminating information.  But, it is so difficult to distinguish the “real” from the carefully and subtly crafted profiles, not just the online dating ones, but the Twitters and Facebooks and Myspaces.  Until you meet and see the red flags, you think that people are spending their time singing lullabies to the little ones, and smelling fresh grass after the rain, and cooking up healthy organic meals, and hosting fabulous dinner parties charged with great intellectual conversation.  HOGWASH!  Then again, I saw those red flags flapping furiously right up in my face early on, and I was already hooked. So……

Hmmm.

14 Jul

I know all about those stages one has to go through when grieving.  Denial, anger, etc…   But, I have discovered there is one VERY important stage previously overlooked.  Sarcasm.  Yup, and I have been bitten by a nasty little sarcastic bug.   As I have mentioned in earlier posts, I have decided to give the online dating thing a(nother) try.  Here are a few of the gems that I have received thus far.

“hi

// Jul. 7, 2010 – 5:36pm

you sound so cool…”

(this was sent to me by a 51 year old man, mind you.)

And then there’s this one:

“May i just say if looks could kill
U wouldnt need a weapon lol
just smile

care to chat”

(mmm, no.)

I will leave you all with this classic:

“My name is ——– and I live just outside Edinburgh. I am married but don’t feel that this should stop me having female friends. I am friendly and very easy going. I have a gentle, affectionate nature and a fun sense of humour. Outwardly I seem confident and extrovert, but the real me is quite shy and sensitive.

If you think that “just maybe” we would make good friends, I would love to hear from you.”

Just maybe not.

Dipping a toe

7 Jul

brrr!

You know how when you are at the beach, and you are broiling on the sand, and you just have to run into the ocean and dive right in, even though the water is FREEZING, because if you just dip your toe you may chicken out, and continue to just swelter in the heat?  Well, it happens to me.

I filled out an online profile.  I put up a photo.  I am shivering slightly, but at least I am cool. I may soon be able to start swimming along, contentedly.

Kissing Cousins

6 Jul

I love my cousins.  I am an only child, and for me, my cousins and now their kids, are the closest thing I know to having siblings, and nieces and nephews.  I know it is not the same, but I am so thankful to have them in my life, and lots of ’em!  Last week, my uncle passed away.  He was quite old, and one of my dad’s older brothers.  My father passed away back in 2000, and having my uncles and aunts alive was a way to still have him in this world.  Now, they are slowly passing away as well.

I took two of my younger cousins (they are my cousin’s daughters, so my uncle is their grandfather – they are very sad about his passing) to the beach and then dinner on Sunday night to cheer them up a bit.  Then I slept over, and we spent the rest of Monday lounging around reading magazines.  I have seen these girls grow up – the oldest in now 15, and S (my god-daughter) is now 12!  While I was with X, I distanced myself from my family – mostly because I was so unhappy.  I apologized to them after the breakup and my resurfacing.  I told them that if I ever “disappear” again, it is because I am not doing too well in my life, and that it has nothing to do with them.

I now realize that is a CLEAR sign of an unhealthy relationship – if I am so miserable that I do not want to spend time with my family for fear they will notice my unhappiness, it is time to kick the guy to the curb.  AND, that it is ok to let your family see that you are unhappy.  Like I did with my little cousins this weekend, lots of kisses and hugs sure do the trick when you are feeling down.

Looking forward

1 Jul

I am really excited about this summer, and am looking forward to enjoying it as much as possible.  So far, so good.  Despite some tough times and rough tumbles, I have been having a good time getting together with friends, making new ones, and most importantly catching up with myself.  As the weather has turned warmer, my disposition has slowly become sunnier, and I am feeling like myself again. 

Last night, I got together with some of my bestest, truest, and most lovely friends – we have been there for each other for many many years, and many difficult epochs in our respective lives.  I just felt so happy to be with them, enjoying myself, able to enjoy the things that bring joy in their lives (children, marriages, new jobs, etc.) and really being present.  During the course of my relationship with the X, I slowly became consumed in my own prison of unhappiness.  I remember constantly thinking, “why am I not overjoyed that now I am the one getting married, about to start a family, etc?  why am I filled with dread? what is wrong with me? ”  I think for me it was easier to avoid the obvious answer – that at 38, with time ticking (whether I like to admit it or not, that is how I felt) I had picked the wrong guy.  Right time + wrong guy = UNHAPPY GAL.

Luckily, I snapped out of it before some serious stuff could develop and make separation and moving on much MUCH more  difficult and traumatic. 

To all the single ladies out there, the ring is not enough….it is not about the ring.  Trust me.  Actually, no I take it back.  It IS about the ring.  When you look at the ring and compare it to your relationship – can you honestly say that your relationship with your partner is like the band itself?  Strong, yet fluid.  Infinite yet solid?  Or is it like the hole, just an empty space “defined” by the band.  If the latter, look forward.  Do not say “I do”.  Do not just be “done”.  You run the regrettable risk of becoming undone.