Thrival versus Survival

26 May

I think the fundamental discordance in my recent relationship, and why in the end, it just was not functioning in a healthy manner, is that my X wanted to survive in life.  I want to thrive, and blossom.  I already know I am a survivor.  I want more.

Sorry if these are hazy thoughts – I have been walloped with a nasty cold, my head aches, my ears ache, the bridge of my nose and my eyelashes ache.  It is 90-something degrees here in NYC, but I am wearing sweats, shivering under the covers.

I finished Amy Cohen’s The Late Bloomer’s Revolution all in one afternoon (intermittently taking naps, of course).  I feel better having read it.  I also learned (well re-learned) to ride a bicycle at 37 (after having learned at 27, with another boyfriend.  It was a traumatic experience, and I developed a phobia about riding). But with X, I started riding again, and I thank him for that.  Although he had this terrible habit of yapping a mile a minute while I was busy trying to concentrate on staying on top of the bike!  But that is for another post.

X berated me incessantly while I read Eat. Pray. Love. For no other reason than he found it threatening.  I assured him that EPL was all about someone setting out to find herself.  I actually know who I am.  I just want improvement, enhancement.  To continue to flourish for as long as I have breath.

Maybe I should have passed the book on to him.  Who knows.  It may have helped.

How DOES this stay up?


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