26 Apr

It has been almost a month since I ended my relationship with my fiance.  Although I still miss him, I am now going through this terrifying process where I am slowly recognizing just how toxic and negative the relationship actually was.  It is causing me much anxiety, as I face just how far I let myself go.  I have yet to truly feel relief from the fact that I walked away.  Instead, I feel riddled with anxiety that I was so close to an abyss.

I know it does not help much that I am also moving back to my flat – we shared it for about 10 months, but he has moved out.  And that I am trying to (re)quit smoking – an unhealthy behavior that I relapsed back into as a coping mechanism to dealing with an unhealthy relationship.  Plus, it is a rainy, gross and cold Monday morning.

But I am also aware that this all will take time, and that I cannot jump over any hurdles to avoid these unpleasant feelings and sensations.  It sucks.


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