Last week, I went to a new acupuncture provider’s office for a session. I have done acupuncture once before, although I am pretty sure that the person who treated me that time is not licensed, but more about that later. I find the whole process of having fine, hair-like needles poked into my skin calming and oddly pleasant, but what I liked most about this new provider was her spot-on diagnosis of what was going on with me, holistically– “You are having trouble with transitions, and you just need some help.”
YES! I love the philosophy of acupuncture! No judgements, no shame – quite simply and clearly, I need some help. Why is that so difficult for so many of us as we get older? Asking for help, feeling ok with needing help with the things that supposedly, when they finally happen, will magically fall into place smoothly – like partnering, marrying, parenting, etc. But you are stumped when they do not. And you feel like a loser for having such a hard time adjusting.
How come no one ever talks about this stuff Am I the only one having such a difficult time transitioning to life as part of a couple?
Hello. Here I am a 37-year-old Latina, less than a month away from her 38th birthday and only yesterday realized, “I am a HUGE CONTROL FREAK!” Who would have thunk? I’ve always (and secretly, quite smugly) been proud of the fact that I am considered “easy-going,” “level-headed,” and “generous” by many a friend. Well, that is quite easy and manageable to do when you have spent most of your adult life as a serial-single-person. But back in September of 2008, I met a wonderful, delightfully quirky, zing-zangy man who captured my heart. My time with him is never boring, and he definitely keeps me on my toes. But for someone who has always had trouble with transitions (me, since the time I came back to my kindergarten class after vacation and promptly freaked out when the teacher had changed my seat…well she changed everyone around so that we could make new friends, but still)- life as a partnered-person has been quite a struggle for me. Not because I am out all night and whooping it up with the gals (Please! I cannot remember the last time I was out past 1AM dancing. I think the last time that happened you could still smoke in bars and clubs!) No. It is because when you are in an intimate relationship with someone else, you have to relinquish control. This may not be news to any of you out in blah-blah-blog land. And I always knew about this fact in theory. But in reality….
Pssssst. I have a confession. I spent much time as a single-gal reveling in fantasies of having a partner. And now, (come closer) I sometimes miss being single. But only because I am a HUGE CONTROL FREAK (HCF).