11-11-11

Hello all,

I have been away for quite some time. And in all honesty, not much has been going on. I just have been living my life – trying to remain present. At times, it is very difficult – especially now that I am truly owning my deepest desires and wants, and finally accepting that some of these things are really not within my power and control. It is a constant process of accepting and letting go, owning and holding, remaining and releasing.
Add to that school, work, some (emotional) trips for family gatherings, friends, dressing up as Frida Kahlo for Halloween (Ha!  My friend went as Freddie Mercury, so we were both “famous people with mustaches”), alone time, exercise, and the absolutely necessary amount of time needed to catch up on Gossip Girl (you know I love me some Gossip Girl!)…the months have flown by since my last post.

It is now truly autumn. We have even had a snow storm here in NYC! The radiators regularly jingle-jangle in my apartment.

Nothing too exciting, and at times I feel stuck. But I am still here. And for the most part, I am doing pretty well. I may *even* be ready for some dating (again).

We shall see….

I am considering signing off on blogging for now. I began this whole process as a way to deal with a difficult relationship, and then the pain and grief of having to end it. This blog has helped me heal. And I am ready to move on.

Vamos a ver…

Dedicated to my heart with extra heartbeats.

I also know my life is not a Bollywood film, or an action-adventure movie, or a French indy flick.

I emailed my friends with pretty much the same info I shared on the blog yesterday.

My friend J responded with this and I almost spit up my coffee laughing while reading it this morning at my desk.

“...yes, in regular movies, it would have been that chance glance that would have sealed your fate.

i think in boy movies, you would have been walking away in slow motion from some explosion, and then with the firey background, and hair fluttering with wind blowing in the right direction so it would be bouncy and boot heels that would, in reality, have been impossible to walk in, you would have done some gymnastics…

My dress would have looked awesome on this bike!

and in a hindi film, he would begin to gyrate his hips, and start singing, as you coyly, sulkyly ignored him, and then you would have started belting out your verse, and then the whole train including the conductor would have joined in the chorus….

Makes any ride on the 6 train much more interesting.

what would happen in a french film? well, it would have probably been that fat guy that peed on the airplane, so you would have just walked out of the train, with nothing to think about. “

This was my response:

“ha!  Love it!  In a French film I would have some horrible, deep dark secret, and we would have started meeting randomly on train platforms to have sex in rat-infested corners!

excusez moi, mon ami.

I would much rather have the Bollywood version!

xoxoxo,
GG“

AND this was my friend T’s response:

“I saw GG’s outfit yesterday and — she looked EXTREMELY cute. I would have sent her the email ( :

Unfortunately, the boys are clearly not watching the same movies we are…in their movie the girl in the cute dress is probably some kind of evil shape-shifter who’s an alien from another planet. Hence it would not be wise to email.“

This is a photo of me taken a few days ago. What? You guys no longer want to be my friends?

I ask the blogiverse…what would I do if I was not blessed with my great, wonderful, and lovely friends?  I am glad that I do not have to worry about that!

Tags: city living, men on trains, single in the city

How do I know that my life is not a rom-com?

If I was in a movie (or if I was someone without some unknown curse for devious deeds committed in past lives, I sometimes worry) I would have met my future husband this morning.

OK, so this AM I woke up a bit foggy, a bit late and realized I had a medical appointment at 8:30AM.  I ran around trying to put together something to wear, and remembered that I had an idea for an outfit.  I dragged the dress out of the closet, and put on some nice tights and zipped up my boots.  I was looking pretty cute, although still foggy and half-asleep!

Of course, I got to the medical appointment too late (15 minutes) and they could not take me.  So I made my way to my office, taking a route I normally would not take.  I got on the 6 train at 33rd street on the way to Bleecker and sat down thinking “dang, I missed my appointment. Oh well, at least I look cute and my hair looks surprisingly nice even though I fell asleep with my hair wet and did not brush it this AM.”

I was so chuffed by all this, that I was not even that annoyed by the whole missed appointment thing.  And THEN I noticed a very attractive man sitting right in front of me.  I kept sneaking quick glances at him, but it did not seem like I registered with him at all.  Even with my cute dress!  Hmmph!

“Maybe I am not so cute,” I thought.  THEN, I look up and caught sight of this other dude on the train who looked familiar.  It was a guy that I went out on a date with a few months ago (someone I actually liked enough to want to hang out with again, and did not have anything wrong with his teeth, AND seemed SSS (stable, sane, secure), AND I was pretty sure would call me again, but never did:(  boo! ).  He was just getting off at the Union Square stop.  I wondered if he had seen me.  I hoped he had and that he saw how cute I looked in the dress, and would then think “hey, there is that cute girl I went out with and did not call for a second date  I am a real idiot.  But here she is, with a fab dress and cute boots with tights.  Maybe she is still single and would like to hang out again??? ” and send me an email.

I look up and the cute guy in front of me is now glancing at me.  “Ha!,” I thought.  At least he noticed something about me (i.e. cute dress).

I get off at my stop and walk over to my office fully expecting to log on to my computer and finding an email from M*** (the guy from the date over the summer).

NOPE.

In a movie, that WOULD happen.
In a movie, the guy on the train would say “cute dress” and ask me out.
In a movie, one of those men would be my future husband.
In a movie, the dream that I had last night with some strange dude that I do not know but oddly enough, I now realize, resembles M***-from-the-summer, that was my new boyfriend (in the dream) would be some strange cosmic “sign” that I had finally met the one for me.

In reality – nothing.

I still think I look cute, though.  But I may be the only one who thinks that.  And I may be WRONG!

And in real life, straight guys do not give a shit about cute dresses paired with tights and boots all that much.

Tags: girls in boots, men on trains, missed opportunities, single in the city

subway saboteur

Broadway/Lafayette in Manhattan.

NOTE: There is no orange S line that goes uptown.

We all have to get our kicks somewhere and somehow!

Tags: pay attention to the little things, snarky subway stuff

Anniversaries

Today is the anniversary of my dad’s death – he passed away 11 years ago.  I cannot believe so much time has passed.  How quickly the years have gone by.  And yet, I remember the days/weeks/months when everything moved soooo  slowly, time seemed to be stuck in mud and every step was a huge effort.

I am sitting here at my desk.  It is almost time to go.  I had planned to go to the gym after work to take a few dance classes this evening. But all I want to do is go home and get into my pajamas and curl up on my couch.  It is rainy and cold out.  Last night I did not sleep well at all, thanks to a bout with seasonal allergies and a pesky mosquito in my bedroom!  And I have been in a cranky mood for days now (maybe even longer, if you ask around.)

Unfortunately this day will mark the loss of another loved one, an elder cousin from my mom’s side of the family. My mom was very close to him, and I was quite fond of him, too.  He was a huge help to both of us when my dad was sick.

So, I am going to go home and think about my Papi and my primo Pepe and dwell in the memories of  nicer and sunnier moments.

Tags: family, grief, loss, rainy September evenings

Irene, buenas noches.

Well, I have not posted for a while and lots has happened.  Since my sort-of-bleak postings about London, I have completed my 1st level exams for my doctoral program.  This is a HUGE milestone for me.  Going to school while working is no joke, people!  And I have been in school pretty much forever!!! (But in all honesty, I love learning new things, so I cannot complain.)

A few days after submitting the exam, I was dealing with Irene here in NYC.  Luckily, like the exam, it was not too bad.  I think the worst thing about it all was hearing poor Mayor Bloomberg’s pitiful, just pitiful, Spanish.  I do give him props for trying, but in all honesty – Spanish is a phonetic language, so anyone technically can speak it.  However, without the proper accent, it makes absolutely no sense.  As I read in an article yesterday, “In emergency situations…it would not be safe to listen to Bloomberg alone.”  Bloomie needs to try a wee bit more.  (Although as he mentions, he is 69, and I must say, homeboy looks good for his age!  Work it out Mayorador!)  See below.

http://www.metro.us/newyork/local/article/955423–viva-el-bloombito

Yup.  Listening to Bloomberg alone, when he is speaking in Spanish, can be bad for your health, mi gente!

We have been having a series of beautiful, crisp sunny days with blue skies here in NYC after the rains and wind.  But, something about this time of year always makes me a bit pensive, nostalgic and sad.  Maybe this particular year more than others.

I dedicate this song (one of my favorites by one of my favorite singers) to New Orleans, London, and NYC, as well as all those towns and cities recently affected by Irene.

Tags: almost autumn, blue skies, graduate school, hurricanes, loss, rebuilding, still summer